The XMen go to the Library
by CaptainTish
Summary: COMPLETE What happens when the XMen have library fines? A series of oneshots about the XMen and the library.
1. Library Fines

**The X-Men go to the Library**

**Author's Notes**: This fic was inspired by the wonderful work of Valkorie (Xtreme Mailing at the Post Office) and CosmicGirl 22 (Laundromat X-Style). It was also inspired by the insane goings-on that actually take place at libraries. The events in this story are based on true events. (Except for the mutants) Enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own X-Men.

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Professor Xavier read the letter on his desk and sighed. This called for a meeting. He sent a telepathic message out to all of his staff members, telling them to come to his study. Before long, Scott, Jean, Logan, Storm, and Kurt were assembled, looking curious as to what the professor wanted to discuss with them.

"A matter has come to my attention. I have a recieved a letter from the Salem Center Library informing me that we have $120 in overdue fines."

"What? $120??? How on earth did we accumulate that much?" Scott asked.

Everybody looked at Jean. "Oops," she said. "Before we went to Alkali Lake, I had some books checked out. About five, I think. Scott, why didn't you return them while I was gone, you idiot?"

"Well, excuse me! I was too busy grieving for my lost love and arguing with Logan."

"Hey!" Logan growled. "Don't blame me, pal. I'm not the one who kept the stupid library books six months overdue."

"No, you're the one who shredded A Traveler's History of Canada."

"Shut up," said Xavier. "Scott is quite right, Jean's boring science books only account for $50. There is also a $30 fine for Logan's damaged Canada book, and $15 for three videos -- 'A Perfect Storm', 'Twister', and 'Night of the Twisters' -- that were left in the bookdrop---"

"Wait a minute," interrupted Storm. "Why did I get fined for leaving my videos in the bookdrop?"

Scott explained wearily, "You can't leave audio-visual materials in the bookdrop. They could get damaged by big heavy books falling on top of them. Why didn't you take them inside? It's either that or get fined $5 a video."

"Well, at least I've chosen a side."

"Okay, whatever, pay the $15."

Xavier continued, "There's also the matter of $25 for a lost book -- A Snowman on Sycamore Street."

"Bobby Drake," groaned Logan.

"Allright, we need to go into town and take care of this matter. Storm, Cyclops, go ready the jet---"

Jean interrupted. "Why do they always get to do that? I want to fly the jet!"

The Professor sighed. "Because when _you_ fly it, it ends up crashing. Jean, do you know where your books are?"

She looked indignant. "That's an unfair question, Professor. After all, the wrong person at the bottom of a lake wouldn't know where the books are."

The Professor sighed. "Fine. Does anyone know where they are?"

"I zhink I know vhere zhey are, Professor," said Kurt, and then with a BAMF!, he vanished.

Xavier nodded. "Right, then. Logan, go get Bobby Drake and tell him to find A Snowman on Sycamore Street. Jean, why don't you see if anyone else needs to go to the library. We'll meet in the hangar in fifteen minutes."

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Fifteen minutes later, Professor X, Logan, Scott, Jean, Storm, and Kurt were in the jet, ready to leave. Bobby and Rogue arrived a minute later.

"I found it," Bobby announced triumphantly, holding up the lost book, which looked a little soggy, still thawing out after having been accidentally frozen. They all settled into the jet, and flew into town.

They parked in the library parking lot, taking up about twenty parking spaces, to the great irritation of the library staff.

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Meanwhile in the library, a young woman named Marian sat at the front desk, scanning a piece of paper frantically. She had just telephoned a patron to tell him that the book he had on hold had arrived, but she had forgotten the patron's name. Her eyes fastened on the first name she saw on the slip of paper, and she stammered, "Uh, is, um, is John Grisham there?"

"What?" asked the patron, in a confused voice.

"Oh, I mean, Tim Jones?" _Darn it, I did it again, saying the wrong name_, she thought. Just then, an older man with gray hair, accompanied by a tall, blue woman walked up to the desk. Marian finished her phone call, and turned her full attention to them. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, I have a question," the man said, as he pointed to one of the book carts. "That remarkable metal doesn't run through the entire cart, does it?"

The librarian glanced at the metal cart, and said, "Uh, yeah, I think so." _That's a weird question_,she thought.

He smiled. "Good. Come, Mystique, we have books to get." With a wave of his arm, he walked toward the reference section, with the cart rolling along in front of him.

The X-Men walked into the library. They conferred for a moment, and then scattered. Logan wandered off in the direction of the travel guides. Bobby and Rogue headed off to the Young Adult section. Storm and Kurt went to the Audio-Visual section looking for some more videos. Xavier, Scott, and Jean went up to the front desk to take care of their fines. Marian looked up and said, "Can I help you?"

Xavier said, "I have some fines I'd like to take care of."

Marian sighed inwardly. "Okay, do you have your card?"

Xavier smiled congenially. "Of course." He set it on the counter, and the librarian took it and scanned it.

"Oooh-kay, Mr. Xavier, is it? Well, it looks like you have some overdue books, some fines for some videos that were returned in the book drop, a damaged book, and a lost book. The total is...." The librarian blinked and peered closer at the computer screen. "Wow. Um, you owe $120."

"Here are the overdue books," Jean said, setting them on the counter. The librarian checked them in, and said, "Okay. Do you have A Snowman on Sycamore Street? It's marked here as missing."

"Where's Bobby and Rogue?" Xavier wondered.

Jean concentrated. "Something's happening in the young adult section."

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Bobby and Rogue were browsing the paperback rack, when suddenly Rogue gasped. She grabbed Bobby and dragged him behind a shelf. "Bobby! Did you see him? John's here!"

Bobby tried to poke his head out to see. "Where? I don't see---" Rogue pulled him back.

"Don't look! We can't get into a fight here in the library! Can you imagine what your powers would do to the books? You already melted that thing," she pointed disdainfully at the snowman book, "we don't want to provoke John into setting the rest of them on fire."

"If John's here, do you think Magneto and Mystique could be here, too?" Bobby wondered.

"Probably. Come on let's get out of here before John sees us. We have to warn the professor."

"Okay, I guess I have to return this book, too." Bobby got ready to sneak out of the room.

"Yeah, like they'll want it, all soggy like that. Wait a second, I just want to look for the new Gossip Girl book." She turned back to the paperback rack, while Bobby waited impatiently.

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Downstairs in Audio-Visual, Storm and Kurt were perusing the collection of DVDs. Storm was muttering about _why couldn't she return videos in the bookdrop, it was totally inconvenient to have to come all the way into the library_, and getting more and more worked up over the matter, she finally stormed over to the AV desk to complain.

The man sitting there looked at her dubiously as she ranted about how she'd gotten a $15 fine for dropping her videos in the bookdrop, after all, it had been raining that day and she hadn't wanted to get out of the car, and why wasn't there a notice on the video box that said she couldn't leave them in the book drop???

The librarian sighed and held up a video, pointing at the neon pink label that read "DO NOT LEAVE IN BOOK DROP -- $5 FINE."

Storm blinked. "Oh."

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Logan was looking at the travel guides. He growled, irritated that he couldn't find what he wanted. He spotted a girl pushing a cart full of books, and stalked over to her. "Hey kid. I'm looking for a book."

"What book are you looking for?" she asked.

"Uh, something to do with secret government laboratories in Canada. Where would that be?"

The girl looked a bit perplexed. "Weeeellll.......the Canada books would be in the 900s. But, secret government laboratories....hmmm. Is that like conspiracy theory stuff? That might be with the UFO books in the 000s."

"I'm not talking about flying saucers, I'm talking about government installations," Logan said in irritation.

The girl shrugged. "I'm sorry, you'll have to ask at the reference desk."

"Forget it," Logan sighed in resignation and went off the find the Professor.

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Scott wandered aimlessly through the library. It was always so peaceful in libraries. Suddenly the man sitting behind the desk in the children's department gasped in horror. He stood up and screamed, "It's three'o'clock!!! Run for cover!!!!"

The next thing Scott knew a horde of children from elementary school age to high schoolers came flooding in and soon the library was filled with chaos and mayhem as it transformed into an unofficial day care center. Scott sighed. So much for peace and quiet.

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Back at the main desk, Marian was clicking away on her computer. "Okay, so that's $50 for the overdue books, $30 for the damaged Canada book, $15 for the videos, and.........where is the missing book?"

Just then Bobby and Rogue came in and presented the book to the librarian. She looked at it askance. "This is damaged. It got wet." She sighed. "Let me check the price." While she checked the price, Bobby and Rogue conducted a low, urgent conversation with the professor, regarding John and the possible presence of Magneto.

Meanwhile Jean caught the attention of a second librarian, who had just walked behind the desk. "Excuse me," said Jean. "Do you have any exceptions for people who have been presumed dead?"

"What do you mean exactly?" he asked, perplexed.

"Well, it's just that the reason I didn't return these books on time was because I drowned in a lake."

He looked at her askance. "Did you now?"

"Well, I'm not _still_ in the lake. Everybody thought I was dead, but......oh, it's a long story. But that's why the books are late. I was presumed dead."

"Hmmm. I don't think we have a policy that covers situations quite like that....." Fortunately, the poor man was saved from having to field this question, by the return of Marian, who came back to inform them that the cost of the damaged Snowman on Sycamore Street was $25.

"So, your total fine is $120. Will you be paying for that now?"

Xavier sighed. "Yes, do you accept checks?"

"Yes, just make it out to the City of Salem Center."

As the Professor made out the check, Rogue said to Bobby, "Come on, I want to go see if they have 'The Untouchables'."

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Rogue, that's not about you."

"_C'mon_!" She pulled on his arm and dragged him off to the AV section.

Meanwhile Jean wandered over to examine the display case, which this month, had a focus on superheros. She squinted as she caught a reflection in the glass. Magneto! She turned around and saw him walk around the corner of the 900s, a metal book cart piled with books floating behind him. He _was_ here! "Professor," she said urgently. "Mag--"

"Just a moment, Jean," the professor said, concentrating on filling in the correct amount in his checkbook. He was so absorbed in this task that he hadn't noticed that the rather nondescript young woman standing nearby had suddenly morphed into the more familiar, scaly, indigo-skinned Mystique.

"Professor!"

"Jean, I'm busy. Can you wait a minute?"

Mystique walked right up to them and slammed a book down on the counter, causing Xavier to look up with a surprised expression. She smirked at him. "A $120 fine? It's people like _you_ who make librarians afraid to go to work every day."

The Professor and Jean gaped at her, until Marian piped up, "Actually, she's right." All three mutants then looked at the flustered librarian, the Professor and Jean looking rather sheepish.

Mystique held out her card to the librarian and said, "Can you check my account and make sure everything is checked in?"

"Of course." Marian scanned her card, and studied the computer screen. "You have a 25 cent fine for an overdue book."

"_What_?! I didn't return any books overdue! I would know if I had returned something overdue!"

"Well, according to the computer, it never got checked in." Marian looked apologetically at Mystique and waited to see if the mutant would pay the quarter fine.

"Which book was it?" Mystique demanded.

Marian clicked the mouse a couple of times. "Behind the Scenes with the Blue Man Group."

"I returned that _on time_!"

"Well, according to the computer, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I _did_!!"

The librarian sighed and clicked on the "claims returned" button. "Okay, we'll look for it."

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Logan had finally found the book he was looking for: Complete Idiot's Guide to Experimentation on Mutants. If that couldn't help him, what could? He ended up in the Audio-Visual section and was studying the back of "Kate and Leopold", when in a poof of blue-black smoke, Kurt appeared next to him. Logan dropped "Kate and Leopold" and glared at Kurt. "I told you not to do that to me."

Kurt shrugged. "Sorry. Ah, so you found a book to check out? Vhat is it about?"

Logan gave him a piercing look. "I can't remember."

"Okaaaay. Storm is picking out a video. Then ve are supposed to meet the Professor up at the front desk."

Storm came rushing up to them, holding up a video. "How about this one?"

Logan grimaced in distaste. "I hate cats."

"It's not about cats, it's about a woman who turns into a catwoman."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

Kurt broke in, defusing a potentially loud argument. "My friends, ve are in a library, we are supposed to be _quiet_. Do not be getting angry vith each other."

Storm put on a self-righteous expressions. "Sometimes, anger can help you survive."

"So can being _quiet_," Kurt countered.

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Finally, all the X-Men had regathered at the front desk. Fines taken care of and items returned, they checked out their books and videos.

"All right, these will be due on June 19th," the librarian said cheerfully, handing the Professor the receipt.

"Thank you -- " Xavier broke off and Magneto stepped up to the desk, and stood next to Mystique, setting down a huge pile of books. His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Eric. What are you doing here?"

Magneto raised an eyebrow. "Can't you read my mind?" He waved dismissively at the pile of books. "Just doing a bit of research on how to rule the world. Machiavelli, Caesar, that sort of thing. Although most of their ideas are utter nonsense."

"Don't give up on them, Eric."

"What would you have me do, Charles? Read Confessions of a Shopaholic?"

Magneto proceeded to hand his library card to Marian, and the X-Men readied themselved to head back out to their jet.

Right before they exited the front doors, Magneto called out, "You know, Charles, there are still books to be read, and I intend to read them by any means necessary."

Xavier replied, "And I will always be there, old friend." Then with a final glower at Magneto and Mystique, the Professor and his X-Men left.

Soon afterward, Magneto and Mystique left as well. Marian sighed with relief when she heard the jet take off, thinking of all the parking spots that would now be free. "Problem patrons. Must remember to make a note in their records."

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Please review! And if you want more stories like this, click on my Author Profile -- read Xtreme Mailing at the Post Office, which was begun by Valkorie, and finished by myself. And read her other stuff too, it's hilarious. And of course, like I mentioned up above, Cosmic Girl 22's Laundromat story. Enjoy!


	2. The Xkids go to the Library

**Author's Notes**: This story was originally intended to be a one-shot, but due to the wonderful response I've gotten from you reviewers (Thanks so much, you guys!) and the never-ending inspiration I get every day, I decided a second chapter would be in order. I will never post an unfinished story, so each of these chapters can be read as complete stories.

**Disclaimers**: I do not own the X-Men. Nor do I own any of the books or movies mentioned in this story. Some of the books are actually made-up – I WISH there was a Making of 'Pirates of the Caribbean'! I am merely having some fun, and am making no profit.

**Special Thanks**: to my friends and co-workers (you know who you are!) Some of the ideas in here are directly from you guys! I hope you enjoy this!

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**Chapter 2: The X-Kids go to the Library**

Scott Summers walked down one of the many labyrinthine corridors of the school. As he walked by one of the phone stands that were placed around the school, the phone rang. He stopped and picked it up. "Hello. Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters."

"Hello, this is Paige from Salem Center Library. I'm just calling to let you know that the book you requested, Mutation for Dummies, has come in. We'll hold it for you for four days."

"All right, thanks, we'll send someone for it," Scott replied. He hung up the phone and continued on his way to the Professor's office, pleased that he would have at least _some_ good news to tell the Professor. Xavier had been looking forward to reading Mutation for Dummies for some time. And the rest of the news Scott had to discuss with him was just a plain headache.

Scott arrived at the Professor's office, and waited for the Professor's Physics class to end. When it did, the children spilled out of the office, and Scott, dodging the small figures darting off to lunch, slipped inside and went over to sit at Xavier's desk.

"Ah, Scott, good to see you. Would you like some tea?"

"Sure, Earl Grey?"

"Yes," said the Professor, handing the cup to Scott. "Careful, it's quite hot."

Scott took a careful sip, and then said, "The library called. That mutation book you've been waiting for has come in."

Xavier smiled. "Excellent."

"Professor, I thought we should discuss the new girl that we just contacted. The mutant in California."

"Lynn? Yes, what's the problem, Scott?"

"Well...her mutation is the ability to fly."

"Yes, by my estimation, she should be able to become quite skilled at it. Better even than Ororo."

"But..."

"Yes?"

"She's afraid of heights."

The professor smiled. "That is a fear that can be overcome. I wouldn't worry about it, Scott. Now, I'm afraid I'm going to be terrible busy this afternoon, would you mind running over to the library, and picking up my book. And take any of the children with you who might want to go."

Scott sighed, knowing that afternoons were not a pleasant time to be in the library. "Sure, Professor. I know Rogue mentioned something about needing some new books to read."

"Wonderful. Make it so."

Scott wandered off to find Rogue, knowing that he was probably going to be stuck spending the entire afternoon playing chauffeur to a bunch of teenagers, which was _not_ how he had planned to spend the day.

XXXX

At the Salem Center Library, Paige, a young library page, looked up at the clock and her face drained of color. "Oh, no," she said, looking at the head librarian, Marian, with an expression of dread on her face. "It's 3:00." Two of the other staff members, Paul and Jan ran to bar the front doors, but it was too late.

At that moment, the front door flew open, and a stream of kids just out of school, and the parents who had picked them up, started to spill into the library. The library staff dove into action and the next couple of hours were a blur of noise, motion, and problem patrons.

XXXX

"Can I have the bathroom key?" a little boy asked. Jan handed it to him, and then called hopelessly, "Please walk!" as the boy sprinted at top speed toward the restroom.

XXXX

"Excuse me," said a woman. "I'm looking for a book, but I can't remember the title."

"Do you know the author's name?" asked Paul, ready to type it into the search engine.

"No, but it has the word 'the' in it."

XXXX

"You guys need to quiet down, okay? You're being too loud," Marian told a group of teenagers sitting at a table, "studying." There was a few moments of quiet, before the noise level steadily and inevitably rose again to a level that would eventually cause deafness in the ears of all the library staff.

XXXX

A man came to the front desk. "I got this letter saying I have this video overdue, but I _know_ I returned it."

"Hmmm, let's see. 'Pirates of the Caribbean: the Curse of the Black Pearl.' It's a DVD, it was due on March 2nd."

"Yeah, I _returned_ it."

"Well, the computer says it's still checked out to you. Maybe you could look at home, or in your car?"

"No. It's _impossible_ that I didn't return it. There is _no_ doubt. I _did_ return it. It's _you_ people. It's _your_ fault!"

XXXX

A teenage girl approached the desk, looking confused. "I'm looking for Lord of the Flies."

"Yes, that's in the fiction section, under Golding."

"Where's that?"

"The fiction section is right over there."

The girl, still looking confused, wandered in that direction. She returned a few minutes later. "I can't find it."

Sighing inwardly, Paige led her over to the G's and pointed at the book sitting on the shelf, right in its spot. "What school do you go to?"

"West Salem High."

"Do they teach you the alphabet there?

"Uh, yeah, I think so."

XXXX

And so chaos reigned in the Salem Center Library. And a dark blue mini-van swerved into the parking lot, and swung into a parking space, narrowly missing the car next to it. The driver grinned, and the five passengers all breathed huge sighs of relief.

"See, told you I was a good driver," said Jubilee triumphantly.

Scott released his death grip on the dashboard, and turned to look at her. "It's a miracle we made it here alive."

"What? I did a good job!"

"I think that SUV back on Sycamore Street would disagree," put in Bobby, who was carefully disengaging his hand from Rogue's gloved one. He was pretty sure she might have broken one of his fingers. Rogue reached for the door handle, getting ready to open the big sliding door, and looked around for Kitty. However, Shadowcat was already standing outside, having exited the vehicle in her own unique way as soon as the car had come to a stop, not waiting for anyone to open the door.

"C'mon. And I get to drive on the way back." Rogue hopped out of the car followed by Bobby. Logan glared at Scott. "I can't believe I let you talk me into coming. Couldn't you have gotten Jeannie or someone to come with you?"

Scott shrugged. "I told you, she was teaching a class. And you wanted to renew that book of yours anyway. And I _sure_ wasn't going to get stuck with a carload of teenager by _myself_!"

XXXX

Upon entering the library, the X-Men scattered. Scott went to the math section in the 500s. Bobby wandered off to look at the comic books. Logan paused to take a look at the display case, which this month was featuring an exhibit on the mating habits of wolverines. Rogue, Jubilee and Kitty went straight up to the front desk, to talk to Jan who was checking in a pile of books. They started chatting.

Meanwhile, a few feet away, a woman was checking out a stack of books. Paul scanned the books and printed out the receipt and handed it to the woman. "Okay," he said. "They'll be due on the 10th."

"The 10th of next month?" she clarified, just to be sure.

Paul pretended to take a closer look at the receipt. "Oh you're right, it was the 10th of last month! Sorry, ma'am, they're overdue."

Looking worried, the woman studied her receipt, before wandering off to drop her books in the book drop outside.

XXXX

"...and so I said, 'I'm just going to quit school and go work in a bar!'" Jan was just finishing a story, and Rogue and Jubilee broke into giggles.

"You didn't! But what about the polar bear--" Jubilee started.

"...in the jungle!" Rogue finished, giggling hysterically.

Logan was standing off to the side, looking at them funny. "You kids are weird," he said, before turning and stepping up to the desk.

He slammed his book, Complete Idiot's Guide to Experimentation on Mutants, on the desk. "I wanna check this out again."

"You want to renew it?" Paige clarified, before scanning it into the computer. "Oh, you've already renewed it once, you can't renew it again. Sorry."

"Oh really?" _Snikt_. Paige looked at the six-inch adamantium claws and quickly typed the override into the computer. The receipt printed out and she handed it to Logan. "It'll be due on the 10th. Have a nice day."

Logan headed for the door and was nearly bowled over by several young children were running inside, apparently finished with their game of playing outside in the trashcan. He managed to dodge the children, and successfully made his escape to the relative calm of the spring afternoon.

Jan broke off her conversation to call to the kids. "Hey, no running in here!" She held up a paper clip, threateningly.

Jubilee grinned. "Do it, do it!"

Rogue asked, "Do what?"

Jubilee grinned some more. "Didn't you know what her mutant ability is?"

Rogue looked at Jan with astonishment. "You're a mutant? Why don't you go to the school?"

"I did. I graduated. I'm in my second year of college now."

"Rogue, how did you think we knew her? She used to go to Xavier's. Not everyone sticks around to become X-Men," Kitty explained.

"So what's your ability?" Rogue asked curiously of Jan.

"I can make kids disappear. I infuse an object with my disappearing power and throw it, and whatever it touches, disappears. Paper clips are my weapons of choice. I try to restrain myself here, though. The parents will get kinda mad when they come to pick up their kids and they're not here."

"Where do they go when you disappear them? Do they come back?"

"Yeah, I can bring them back. The people I've disappeared say they were in a sort of blank place. Kinda boring there."

Kitty nodded at Paul. "Y'know, Paul's a mutant, too. He's a shapeshifter."

Rogue looked at him with interest. "Really? What kinds of things can he shapeshift into?"

Paul was listening to his walkman, and didn't hear that they were talking about him. Jan threw an unpowered paper-clip at him, and he looked up, turning his music off.

"Paul, get over here. Rogue, Kitty and Jubilee want to know about your powers."

He came over, but then the phone rang and he grabbed it, answering, "Salem Center Library."

While Paul talked to the patron on the phone, the girls continued to discuss Paul's abilities.

"Sometimes, he'll go out into the bookshelves, and shapeshift into a book, then throw himself off the shelf, right at a patron's head. It really freaks people out."

After having a good laugh about the hapless patrons being scared out of their wits by books jumping off the shelves, Kitty took herself off, saying she really needed to get a few books.

"I should get some, too. That's what I came for. And I should see what Bobby is up to." Rogue went off in the same direction Kitty had.

A ten-year-old girl ran up to the desk and said, "Can I have a pencil?"

"No," Jan said, and passed the girl a pencil.

Jubilee looked at Jan with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "I have an idea."

Paul got off the phone, and said in a very satisfied tone. "The lady on the phone was looking for a book. She said she was here earlier, and she said we didn't have it. I checked, and it was right there on the shelf. I told her to try the Southeast Branch. So she went there and they told her to call us." He chuckled.

"Okay, well, if you're done sending the patrons on wild-goose chases, Jubilee here has an idea."

"Oh, no."

XXXX

Bobby had picked out a couple of comic books that he wanted to check out and was now wandering around looking for the other X-kids. He found Scott heading toward the desk, carrying a pile of algebra and trigonometry books. He caught up to him, and said, "Hey, have you seen Rogue?"

Scott stopped and looked around. His face crumpled and he started saying in a tone of despair, "She's gone. She's gone... She's gone!"

"Scott! Snap out of it. You're having another flashback to Alkali Lake! Stop it and help me find Rogue!"

Scott straightened up. "Oh. Okay. There's Jubilee, maybe she knows where Rogue is." They headed toward Jubilee, who saw them coming and met them halfway.

"Hey Jubes, you seen Rogue?" Bobby asked her.

Jubilee grinned. "Oh yeah, she's back there, in the 700s." She pointed to a corner of the library.

"700s! That's the movie books! She's probably looking all googly-eyed at that Orlando Bloom book again!" He ran off toward the 700s.

Jubilee snorted, and told Scott in a side whisper, "Nah, she likes Johnny Depp better."

XXXX

Bobby skidded around a corner, and found Rogue and Jan looking at The Making of 'Pirates of the Caribbean'. Rogue looked up, closing the book, but making sure to keep her place marked in the section about Jack Sparrow.

Bobby tried to look casual, like he wasn't illogically and insanely jealous of that pretty-boy Orlando. "Hey, Ro-" But he didn't get to finish whatever casual excuse he had made up about his sudden appearance, because at that moment a small paperclip hit him on the forehead and he vanished.

Rogue looked at Jan a little worriedly. "You _will_ be able to bring him back, won't you?"

"Of course, don't worry about that. The important thing is now we know it works on teenagers."

Bobby reappeared suddenly, looking confused. "What was that!"

"Just a test, hon. Now what?" Rogue turned to Jubilee.

Jubilee looked at Paul. He sighed, "Fine." He headed off in the direction of the side of the library the younger kids normally congregated in.

XXXX

In the children's section of the library, Scott was picking out a stack of books to take back to the school for some of the younger kids. "Let's see," he said under his breath, "Okay, we've got Series of Unfortunate Events, Lizzie McGuire, Pokemon, Mary Kate and Ashley --" he grimaced at that one, "-- and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. This should work for all the pre-teens at the school." Since mutation usually manifested at puberty, Xavier's was home to children as young as 10 or 11 years old. Which meant Scott and the other teachers often had to endure such pre-teen interests as the dreaded Mary Kate and Ashley.

Suddenly, Scott noticed an odd person walking into the children's section. A tall, thin man had suddenly leapt onto one of the low tables, and struck a rather ridiculously heroic, but menacing pose. "I am," he called out in a threatening tone, with a flourish of his arms, "the villainous Count Olaf!" The kids had all fallen silent and were just staring at him. "Count Olaf" glanced at Scott, and asked in a stage whisper, "Is this not scary enough?" Scott just stared at him, as bewildered as the kids.

"Count Olaf" began to shimmer and melt, and became a rather ugly pirate, a hook for a hand. "Do you not know who I am?" he bellowed. "It is I, the fearsome Captain Hook! I am going to make you all walk the plank! Argghh!"

"Cool!" yelled one of the kids. The rest of them grinned and giggled, delighted at this new entertainment.

"Captain Hook" slumped his shoulders in defeat, and the shimmering and melting effect took place once again, leaving behind a dejected looking mutant library page named Paul. Then inspiration struck him. "Hey kids! There's pizza! Outside!"

"Yeah!" Immediately the kids formed a stampede to the park outside the library. Within moments the children's section was deserted.

Scott, reveling in the sudden peace and quiet, looked at Paul. "Nice work."

"Thanks."

XXXX

Meanwhile on the other side of the library, Jan was hard at work, holding a cup full of paper clips, carefully taking aim, and letting fly her paper clips of doom. One by one, teenagers were disappearing, leaving behind cell phones which clattered to the floor. Any teen who tried to escape was thwarted by Jubilee, Rogue, Kitty and Bobby, who were able to use their unique powers to keep anyone from getting out of the area that they had corralled them into. Within ten minutes, all the teenagers were gone.

Jubilee plopped down at one of the now-vacated tables, and snatched a bag of M&Ms from the backpack of one of the disappeared teenagers. "Success!"

The other X-kids and Jan joined her at the table. "Wow," Jan said. "It's so ... quiet in here." She smiled in relief.

"How long can you keep all those teenagers disappeared?" Rogue asked.

"Well, I've never disappeared this many people at once. But I think I can hold them until 6, the time when they usually head home."

Just then, Paul and Scott came over, followed soon after by the head librarian, Marian, and the other library page, Paige.

"Are you kids responsible for this?" Marian asked.

Jubilee grinned. "It was my idea. But Paul and Jan did all the real work."

Marian and Paige joined the group sitting down, each grabbing a handful of M&Ms. "Well, it's brilliant. It hasn't been this quiet at this time of day in ages."

Rogue considered Paul and Jan. "You guys did a great job. Scott, don't you think they should join the X-Men?"

Scott frowned. "I'm not sure if this is a misuse of their powers. But ... it's for a good cause!" He reached in and grabbed some candy, taking some and handing the bag over to Paul.

For a few lovely, quiet moments, the group sat, eating candy, and occasionally making a comment about how nice the silence was. The adult patrons in the library wondered where all the kids had gone to, but were mainly relieved that it was quiet enough to think, for a change.

Just then, Logan came bursting in, running over to the table where our conspirators sat eating candy. He was looking rather disheveled, with leaves and twigs all over his clothes and in his hair.

"What did you guys do?" He yelled. "I was sitting out in the park, minding my own business, having a cigar, when a pack of kids swarmed me, demanding to know if I was the pizza guy. I had to start cutting animal figures out of the bushes with my claws to entertain them. They're wild! We gotta get out of here. I made a topiary maze, but that'll only hold their attention for so long. Come on!"

Jan sighed. "Well, we had a few moments of peace, anyway. Thanks guys. It's been fun."

Paul said, "I'll go check out your books for you, while Jan starts bringing the teens back." Paul, Scott, Logan and the X-kids headed over to the front desk to check out their books. Teens starting popping back into existence, looking extremely confused, while the children started trickling back into the library, having gotten bored inspecting the topiary sculptures created for them by Logan, who was now considering a career as a gardener.

The X-kids bid goodbye to their librarian friends, and ran out to the car, arguing about whose turn it was to drive. "C'mon Edward Scissorhands," Scott said to Logan. "Let's get back to the mansion and try to explain this to the professor."

"Hey pal, I'm not the one who had the idea to come to the library during after-school hours."

"No, you're the one who decided to cut all the bushes into life-size animal figures," Scott shot back, as they walked past a couple of dinosaur-shaped hedges on the way back to the car.

The library returned to it's normal noisy situation as the X-Men drove away, the X-kids satisfied in a job well-done. At least they had been able to give their friends a few moments of peace.

XXXX

Back inside the library, Marian asked wistfully, "Are any of them looking for a job?"

* * *

**Author's Notes**: Okay, that's the end! I do have ideas for further chapters, so if you like this, please review! 


	3. Overdue Book

Author's Notes: Well, I have some time on my hands, and so I'm adding another little short. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimers: I do not own the X-Men.

Chapter 3: Overdue Book

At Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, mail came in bulk. There were utility bills and other such financial matters, letters for the staff and the students, catalogs and the usual junk mail, magazine subscriptions, etc. On this particular Tuesday morning, however, Ororo Munroe, AKA Storm, stared in dismay at the letter she had recieved.

It was from the Salem Center Library and it informed her that she had a book outstanding, and that if she did not return it, she would owe a fine of $24.95 for the book, plus a $10 processing fee.

Anyone who knew Ororo well, knew not to judge her emotions by looking at the expressions on her face, but at the weather outside. And the weather had suddenly turned very stormy. Thunder rumbled.

"Vhat is wrong, mein fruend?" asked a wary Kurt.

"This is outrageous!" exclaimed Storm. "This letter says I have an overdue book at the library. I DO NOT!" Lightning flashed outside.

Kurt sighed. "Someone so beautiful should not be so angry."

She flashed him an annoyed look. She had heard this argument before. "Sometimes, anger..."

"Can help you survive, yes, I know," Kurt finished, in resignation. It was what she always told him. It was a very old argument. "So can paying the library fine!" he said, in an attempt to surprise her.

It worked. She shot him an astonished look. "Pay a fine for a book that I _know_ I returned?"

"Perhaps you did not return the book? Which book is it?

Ororo studied the paper. "It's The Perfect Storm. But I would _know _if I hadn't returned it."

"Let us look, shall we? Perhaps it is here somewhere."

Ororo and Kurt spent the next hour looking all over the mansion. They checked Ororo's room, all of the student lounges, the kitchen and dining room. They even looked in the Danger Room. Nowhere was there any sign of The Perfect Storm.

"Vell, 'Ro, I suppose you vill have to go to the library and pay the fine."

There was another flash of lightning outside. "Oh, I'll go to the library all right, but I'm not paying the fine! I'll get this straightened out." she said, grabbing her jacket and storming out the door.

XXXX

Marian, the head librarian, was sitting at the front desk, scanning books, recording the circulation statistics. She looked outside and saw that the weather had become unseasonably gloomy. It looked like a storm was coming. She sighed and turned back to the computer.

A moment later, the front doors burst open, as if blown by a strong gust of wind. Ororo marched into the library and straight up to Marian at the front desk.

"Excuse me, I got this notice that says I still have a book out, but I returned it weeks ago!"

Marian sighed inwardly. Another problem patron. Still, she put on a cheerful smile, and said, "Can I see your libray card?"

Ororo passed it to her, and she scanned it into the computer. "Okay, it says here you have an overdue book, The Perfect Storm." She looked at Storm. "Do you have it with you?"

Ororo glowered. "No, I _returned_ it. You people must have made some mistake."

Marian wrote down the call number on a piece of paper, and called the library page over. "Paige, could you go see if this book is on the shelf?" Paige took the paper and scampered off to look for the book.

Marian smiled at Ororo. "It'll just be one second. We'll just see if it's on the shelf."

Ororo glowered some more. "Do you know what happens to a book that's been returned? It's _on the shelf_!"

A few minutes later, Paige returned, shaking her head. "Sorry, I couldn't find it."

Marian turned back to the irate Storm. "Are you sure you didn't leave it somewhere, like in your car or under your bed?"

"NO! It is _not_ in my car or under my bed! You people--"

"I'm sorry, Ms. Munroe, but perhaps we can put it on claims returned, and that'll give you a few months while we search for it..."

Storm was getting very close to losing any patience she had left. Outside the thunder was rumbling more and more ominously. Her eyes started to turn white. "It's about to get very cold in here..."

Just then, there was a BAMF! and Kurt appeared in a cloud of blue-gray smoke, holding a book in his three-fingered hand.

"Ororo! I found your book! It vas under your bed!" He handed it to Marian.

Marian scanned it into the computer. "Excellent! Now you won't have to pay for the whole book or the processing fee. Just a small overdue fine."

Ororo looked at the book in disbelief. It was indeed her copy of The Perfect Storm that she had checked out a month ago.

Sheepishly, she got out her wallet to pay the overdue fine. "Sorry. And thanks, Kurt."

Kurt tried not the look too proud of himself. "Vell, I _am_ the Incredible Nightcrawler!"


	4. XMen Day at the Library

Author's Notes: Here's another short. Please read and review!

Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Men.

Chapter 4: X-Men Day at the Library

Scott Summers burst into Professor Xavier's office, brandishing a flyer. His mouth was set in a tight line, and if you could have seen his eyes, they would have been flashing in indignation.

"Professor, you need to see this!" He slammed the flyer down on the Professor's desk. "It's an insult!"

The Professor picked up the paper, and read it. It read as follows:

_Spidey reads, too!_

_Come see Spiderman _

_at the Salem Center Library_

_June 19 at 4:00 p.m._

_no registration required_

"Scott, calm down. It's just a library program."

"But they got Spiderman! Why didn't they ask _us_? That little wall-crawling twerp isn't even local! He lives in the City!"

"You don't like him?"

"How could you tell?"

"We're getting sidetracked here. You know as the X-Men we try to keep a low profile."

"Still, the X-Men do a lot more good for humanity than Spiderman."

Xavier sighed. "I suppose I could make a call to the library, and offer our services. Would you like to put together the presentation?"

Scott looked surprised. "Well, uh, I'm not really good at that kind of thing..."

Xavier nodded. "Jean and I will put something together."

XXXX

The day of the X-Men's library program arrived. It had been decided that just Xavier and Jean would go. Jean was good at public speaking, she had spoken at the Senate hearing, and done fairly well, even though the audience had not been very receptive. The presentation that the two of them had put together for the library program focused mainly on the importance of reading, and how much reading helped the X-Men in their fight against anti-mutant hatred.

Jean took her place in front of the roomful of kids, ages ranging from four to ten, who were sitting on the floor looking up at her expectantly.

She took a deep breath. "Mutation is the next step in human evolution--"

Suddenly Xavier's telepathic voice interrupted her. _Wrong speech, Jean. These are six-year-olds, not senators. _

_Oh, yeah, sorry_, she replied, and started over. "Hi kids! I'm Jean Grey, and I'm one of the X-Men! Before going out to save the world, I like to read books!"

"What kinds of books?" piped up one of the kids.

"All kinds of books."

Another kid raised his hand. "Have you read Captain Underpants?"

"Um, well, no."

A little girl asked, "What about the Powerpuff Girls?"

"Uh, no, not that either..."

"Well, what have _you_ read?"

Jean looked helplessly at Xavier. He pointed at the bag they had brought with them.

"Oh, look, we brought bookmarkers. Everybody gets one!"

As Jean passed out the bookmarkers that said X-Men love to Read on them, she thought to the professor, _Well, that could have gone better_.

_The children seem happy_, he replied. _They are getting to run around and be noisy_.

And so they were.


End file.
